In Part 2 of this series we covered steps to get to the Self-Determining stage of Ego Development Theory. Now in Part 3, we’ll cover how the steps to move from Self-Determining to Self-Questioning, and Self-Actualizing. Working with senior executives, these are the two steps I most frequently find them in the process of taking.
Let’s dive in.
Self-Determining to Self-Questioning
The transition from Self-Determining to Self-Questioning marks a shift from external to internal sources of meaning and identity. It involves a letting go of societal expectations and a turning inward to discover one’s own authentic values, desires and ways of being.
This can be a challenging and disorienting passage, as the familiar structures and guidelines of the Self-Determining worldview begin to crumble. The Self-Questioning must learn to navigate ambiguity, complexity and multiple perspectives, and to trust in their own inner knowing and authority.
By engaging in practices of self-awareness, introspection, shadow work and self-authorship, the Self-Determining can begin to loosen their grip on external measures of success and worth. They may experience a deepening sense of empathy and connection with others, as well as a growing desire to live a life of meaning and purpose.
As the Self-Determining evolves into the Self-Questioning, they develop a more flexible and adaptive sense of self. They become more comfortable with uncertainty and change, and more willing to take risks and experiment with new possibilities. They also become more attuned to the nuances and complexities of relationships, and more skilled at navigating conflict and difference.
Ultimately, the journey from Self-Determining to Self-Questioning is a journey of individuation and self-actualization. It involves a reclaiming of one’s uniqueness and creativity, and a deepening commitment to living authentically and purposefully. By embracing this journey with courage and curiosity, the Self-Determining can unlock new levels of potential and fulfilment, and contribute their gifts more fully to the world.
Here are some practical steps for progressing from the Self-Determining stage (3/4) to the Self-Questioning stage (4/5) of ego development:
1. Develop self-awareness and introspection:
a. Establish a regular practice of journaling or self-reflection. Set aside time each day to explore your thoughts, feelings and experiences.
b. Practice mindfulness and meditation to cultivate greater awareness of your inner world. Notice your patterns of thinking and reacting.
c. Seek out feedback from others and use it as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. Be open to seeing yourself through others’ eyes.
d. Engage in therapy, coaching or other forms of self-exploration to gain deeper insight into your personality, history and motivations.
Again? Yes, this continues to be foundational in fueling your growth. When focused, your self-awareness will help you adjust how you are being perceived on the fly. Combining that with your introspection at this level should provide you a good understanding of why you do almost everything, at the root level.
2. Question your assumptions and beliefs:
a. Examine your values, goals and definitions of success. Ask yourself: Are these truly mine, or have I absorbed them from others?
b. Challenge your assumptions about how things “should” be. Be open to alternative perspectives and ways of doing things.
c. Notice when you are operating on autopilot or from habit. Practice bringing conscious awareness to your choices and actions.
d. Explore different philosophies, worldviews and belief systems. Allow yourself to be stretched and expanded by new ideas.
At this stage many of the actions and thought processes you’ve been using for years will come under scrutiny. Some will evolve, and others will be discarded as you realise they don’t serve the purpose you thought they did. As a result, more of what you do becomes intentional, which in turn increases your ability to connect with others through increased authenticity.
3. Embrace complexity and ambiguity:
a. Practice holding multiple perspectives simultaneously. Look for the truth in opposing viewpoints.
b. Embrace the gray areas of life. Let go of the need for black-and-white answers or simple solutions.
c. Develop comfort with uncertainty and not-knowing. Practice staying open and curious in the face of complexity.
d. Explore paradox and contradiction. Notice how seemingly opposing truths can coexist and inform each other.
At this stage you start to let go of the need to find the “right” answer, or in fact to be perceived as being “right”. You start to move aware from binary, black and white thinking towards a continuous spectrum. Combining that with the ability to perceive multiple, conflicting truths simultaneously, and your thinking becomes far more sophisticated, though it may make finding a path forward harder.
4. Develop your own voice and vision:
a. Reflect on your unique talents, passions and values. What makes you come alive and gives you a sense of purpose?
b. Practice expressing your authentic thoughts and feelings, even when they differ from others’. Learn to stand in your truth.
c. Cultivate your creativity and imagination. Engage in activities that allow you to express your unique perspective and vision.
d. Take risks and experiment with new ways of being and doing. Allow yourself to be a beginner and learn from trial and error.
These may be done to different degrees in the key areas of your life – with your partner, family, friends, and in your professional life, depending on the dynamics of the relationships and your comfort with them.. On authenticity, the more complete the version of yourself you present to others, the more authentic the interaction will be.
5. Explore your shadow and unconscious:
a. Notice the parts of yourself that you tend to hide, deny or project onto others. Practice owning and integrating these aspects.
b. Explore your fears, doubts and insecurities. Acknowledge and befriend these parts of yourself with compassion.
c. Pay attention to your dreams, fantasies and imagination. Notice the symbols, themes and messages that emerge from your unconscious.
d. Engage in shadow work practices like journaling, art therapy, or guided visualizations to access deeper layers of your psyche.
For a and b, pay particular attention to anything that triggers feelings of shame, and listen to what Brené Brown has to say on the topic. When you are noticing, try to withhold judging yourself, as it tends to dissuade you from being fully honest.
6. Cultivate empathy and perspective-taking:
a. Practise putting yourself in others’ shoes. Imagine how a situation might look and feel from their perspective.
b. Develop your capacity for deep listening. Practice being fully present and attuned to others without judgement or agenda.
c. Seek out diverse perspectives and experiences. Engage with people from different backgrounds, cultures and worldviews.
d. Explore practices like Nonviolent Communication or Focusing that cultivate empathy and attunement.
One of the beliefs that helped me in this area is that everyone is doing the best they can at any moment. Even if it’s not true, my adoption of that attitude brings better energy to conversations, and tends to lead to more positive outcomes.
7. Engage in self-authorship and choice:
a. Reflect on the roles, expectations and identities you have taken on. Ask yourself: Do these truly reflect who I am and want to be?
b. Practice making choices from a place of inner alignment rather than external pressure. Learn to trust your own judgement and intuition.
c. Set boundaries and learn to say no to requests or demands that don’t align with your values or needs. Practice self-care and self-respect.
d. Take responsibility for your life and choices. Let go of blame, victimhood or the need for approval from others.
There’s a saying that no pillow is as soft as a clean conscience. If you do something that is not aligned with your values, it will plague you, even if no one else sees it.
Be thoughtful in your use of internal language, in particular of what you “should” do and what you “have” to do. What is steering what you should do? Is that a good thing? Recognise that you have a choice in everything you do, though there are consequences to your choices. Doing something you dislike but want to do is a different mental and emotional experience to doing something you “have” to do, even if the visible action is the same.
8. Explore meaning and purpose:
a. Reflect on what gives your life a sense of meaning and purpose. What do you feel called to contribute or create?
b. Explore your spirituality and relationship to something larger than yourself. Develop practices that cultivate a sense of connection and awe.
c. Engage in activities that allow you to express your values and make a positive impact on others or the world.
d. Seek out mentors, teachers or communities that support your growth and awakening. Surround yourself with others who are on a similar path.
Our relationships with ourselves, others, ideas, and causes give meaning to our lives. Contributing to each of these often leads to fulfilment. When giving your energy to others, pay attention to if you have expectations of something in return, and either let them go, or express them.
9. Practice self-compassion and acceptance:
a. Notice your inner critic and the ways you judge or berate yourself. Practice countering these voices with kindness and understanding.
b. Develop self-compassion for your flaws, mistakes and limitations. Recognize that these are part of the human experience.
c. Practise radical acceptance of yourself and your life circumstances. Embrace the full reality of what is, without resistance or denial.
d. Cultivate gratitude and appreciation for your unique journey and the lessons you have learned along the way.
While most people are too hard on themselves, combine the points above with holding yourself accountable to your goals, and digging into why you don’t seem able to do what you want (see introspection above).
10. Embrace the journey of growth and development:
a. Recognize that growth is a lifelong process with no fixed endpoint. Embrace the journey as an end in itself.
b. Cultivate a growth mindset and a love of learning. Approach challenges and setbacks as opportunities for development.
c. Celebrate your progress and successes along the way. Acknowledge the steps you have taken and the ways you have grown.
d. Stay open and curious about what is next on your path. Trust in the unfolding of your unique journey of development.
As you progress through the stages, enhancing your abilities in the process, be thoughtful about comparison and judging others who may not have progressed as far as you. Everyone has their own journey, and someone at the Skill-Centric / Expert level is not inherently of less worth than someone at the Self-Actualizing / Strategist level.
Self-Questioning to Self-Actualizing
The journey from Self-Questioning to Self-Actualizing involves a deepening of self-awareness, an expansion of perspective-taking capacity, and an increasing ability to navigate complex systemic dynamics. It requires a commitment to ongoing growth and a willingness to engage in a variety of inner and outer practices.
Here are some practical suggestions for progressing from the Self-Questioning stage (4/5) to the Self-Actualizing stage (5) of ego development:
1. Develop systems thinking abilities:
a. Study systems thinking principles and practices. Read books like “Thinking in Systems” by Donella Meadows and “The Fifth Discipline” by Peter Senge.
b. Practice mapping out complex systems using causal loop diagrams, stock and flow diagrams, and other visual tools. Identify reinforcing and balancing feedback loops.
c. Look for systemic patterns and archetypes across different domains. Recognize that similar dynamics can play out at multiple scales (e.g. individual, team, organization, society).
d. Cultivate an appreciation for the inherent interconnectedness and complexity of reality. Resist the temptation to oversimplify or linearize cause and effect relationships.
Systems thinking is a fantastic skill and methodology for problem solving in a more holistic manner. When creating solutions I pay particular attention to which elements would be reinforced or resisted by the dynamics of the system. I will lean heavily towards a solution that will self-perpetuate, or even better self-improve, vs. a “better” solution that requires constant external effort to maintain.
2. Take on stretch roles:
a. Seek out leadership positions that involve managing multiple stakeholders with competing interests and perspectives. Practise finding win-win solutions.
b. Take on projects that require coordinating across different functions, departments or even organizations. Learn to speak the language of different stakeholder groups.
c. Volunteer for assignments that push you outside your comfort zone and require learning new skills and ways of thinking. Embrace the discomfort of being a beginner.
d. Reflect on how different roles and contexts pull out different parts of you. Notice how you adapt your style and approach to fit the demands of the situation.
The cliche that growth happens at the edge of your comfort zone generally rings true. When deciding on if you should do something or not, try approaching it with a default of yes, and only say no if there is a good reason to do so. That usually leads to more experiences and fewer regrets.
3. Expand time horizon:
a. Practise long-term visioning and strategic planning. Set 5-10 year goals and work backwards to identify key milestones and dependencies.
b. Consider the long-term consequences and ripple effects of decisions. Look for unintended effects that might only show up over time.
c. Study historical patterns and trends. Identify long-term cycles and use them to anticipate future possibilities.
d. Cultivate a relationship to time that balances urgency with patience. Learn to zoom out and take a long view while also staying grounded in present realities.
These approaches help with planning, but also with perspective. Recognizing that something bothering you now won’t even be remembered in a month’s time, can help you not get distracted or upset by minor things. The significance of an event needed to throw you will grow over time.
4. Engage in rational inquiry:
a. Practise articulating your beliefs and assumptions and then actively seek out evidence that might disconfirm them. Invite others to challenge your views.
b. Develop an interest in understanding the deeper structures and patterns that underlie surface level events and behaviours. Look for the “90% below the waterline.”
c. Cultivate a love of truth and a willingness to follow the logic wherever it leads. Practice changing your mind in the face of new information.
d. Balance intellectual rigour with an openness to other ways of knowing (e.g. intuition, embodied wisdom, spiritual insight). Seek out multiple perspectives.
Finding people to do this with is key. Mental foils for sharpening your intellect can be very enjoyable as well as educational. It’s essential that they can separate their opinion from themselves, otherwise debate will be construed as an attack.
5. Develop comfort with uncertainty:
a. Practice meditation and other mindfulness techniques to cultivate the capacity for witnessing awareness. Learn to observe your thoughts and reactions with equanimity.
b. Spend time in nature and practice simply being present without needing to figure everything out. Cultivate a sense of wonder and awe at the mystery of existence.
c. Learn to reframe challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning. Embrace failure as a natural part of the learning process.
d. Study wisdom traditions that emphasize the value of “beginner’s mind” and the limitations of conceptual knowledge. Cultivate intellectual humility.
Things to fill our time with have never been more abundant. Combining that with the common and unhelpful belief that being busy is a badge of pride, makes it hard to create whitespace to be still. It can feel wasteful to do “nothing”, but without it, emotional regulation is harder, your self-awareness, introspective, and creative abilities are lower, and it’s easier to get lost in your own head.
6. Learn to articulate higher-order principles:
a. Practise distilling complex ideas and conflicting perspectives down to their essential core principles. Look for the simplicity on the other side of complexity.
b. Develop an ear for elegant solutions and framings that can hold multiple partial truths. Practice creating integrative frameworks and models.
c. Study examples of great leaders and communicators who were able to articulate complex ideas in simple, compelling ways. Analyse their techniques.
d. Refine your communication skills through writing, speaking and teaching. Learn to adapt your style to different audiences and contexts.
A key idea in this context is what I call essential complexity. Consider what level of complexity needed to describe the concept you want to discuss in order for that discussion / application to be useful. Also consider the ability of your audience to digest that complexity. You never want to make something more complex than the task it’s needed for. Analogies to well understood concepts can be helpful here, as can visual representations or physical demonstrations.
7. Mentor others:
a. Offer to mentor junior colleagues or younger people in your field. Focus on helping them clarify their goals and identify their growing edge.
b. Practise active listening and the ability to reflect back what you’re hearing. Resist the temptation to impose your own views or solutions.
c. Share your own developmental journey and lessons learned. Be transparent about your struggles and blind spots as well as your successes.
d. Encourage your mentees to take risks and step into their full potential. Challenge them to take on stretch assignments and provide support along the way.
Understand the differences between managing, mentoring and coaching, and consider which is best applied for a situation.
8. Take 100% responsibility:
a. Practise radical ownership and self-responsibility. Take complete ownership of your thoughts, feelings, reactions and results in every moment.
b. Notice when you’re blaming others or making excuses. Shift into curiosity about how you might be contributing to the situation.
c. When breakdowns occur, resist the temptation to get defensive. Instead, get curious about what you may not be seeing or owning. Apologise quickly and cleanly.
d. Cultivate a growth mindset. View every challenge as an opportunity to learn and expand your self-awareness. Embrace feedback as a gift.
These steps help with your sense of control of your life. Blaming others or absolving yourself or responsibility may feel good in the moment, but it’s a temporary respite that hinders you in the long run. Balance this with self-compassion, the goal isn’t to give yourself a hard time.
This idea will apparently come into conflict with the lack of control (instead there are varying degrees of influence) that we have in our lives, but there is benefit to both, and they can be held simultaneously.
9. Work with a coach:
a. Seek out a skilled developmental coach who can support your vertical growth. Look for someone who has experience with adult development frameworks like Cook-Greuter’s.
b. Engage in assessments like the Leadership Maturity Profile (MAP) or the Subject-Object Interview (SOI) to identify your centre of gravity and growth edges.
c. Invite feedback from multiple stakeholders through 360-degree assessments. Use the data to identify patterns and blind spots.
d. Work with your coach to design a customized development plan that includes a mix of assessments, practices, and experiments. Commit to the process.
Coaching can be a fantastic accelerator to your development, it was for me. The more open you go into the relationship, the more you will get out of it. Much of a coach’s work is to ask questions that lead you to new insights. It might not sound revolutionary, but it can be.
10. Study adult development theory:
a. Read key theorists in the field of adult development like Robert Kegan, William Torbert, Susanne Cook-Greuter, and Jane Loevinger. Familiarise yourself with their frameworks.
b. Reflect on your own life journey and notice how your worldview and sense of self have evolved over time. Look for patterns and themes.
c. Use developmental frameworks to make sense of challenges you encounter in yourself and others. Practice identifying the developmental opportunities in every situation.
d. Seek out communities of practice where you can engage in developmental dialogue and inquiry. Share your insights and learn from others on a similar path.
Frameworks act as roadmaps so you can see where you might go. This guide, conversations with others, coaching, wider reading, and contemplation, will help you navigate between levels.
That’s it for Part 3.
In Part 4 we’ll look the transition from Self-Actualizing to Construct-Aware, and Construct-Aware to Unitive, the final defined stage in the EDT.
If you’d like a leader in your organisation with a good grasp of these principles, or a coach to guide your development, hit the button below and let’s have a conversation.